The Addict

I am an addict. I'll admit it. That's the first step to healing, right?

Hi, my name is Hannah, and I'm addicted to helping people.

Say, what? That's right, my drug of choice is helping people.  I don't mean that in the Awe-isn't-she-so-sweet-she-loves-to-help-people sort of way. I mean that in the I-help-people-because-it-feels-good-and-I-find-value-in-being-needed.  It's the drug of being needed.  It feels so good when someone comes to me with their problems.  Yes, I will listen to you. Yes, I am important to you. Yes, you think I am worth talking to.  It is selfish.  The focus is on me and how I can help you.  Your problems are not as important as my ability to fix them.

Now, that's not to say that sometimes good doesn't come as a result.  I had a wise friend once remind me that "If we waited around until our motives were right, we'd never get anything done."

But when I insert myself in situations that I have no business being in, simply because I want to feel needed, I often end up not being helpful or, even worse, hurting the situation.  I take on burdens that were never mine to carry because I find value in the appearance of being helpful.

If you know the story of Job, you know that he had these friends who gave some pretty awful advice, but something I noticed the last time I read Job was verse 2: 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. Seven days and seven nights? That's a week of silence. These men loved Job so much that they were willing to sit and morn with him for a week without saying one word.  It was when they opened their mouths that they ruined it.

I've been slow to learn the humility of keeping my mouth shut.  Proverbs talks over and over again about the foolish man whose quick words bring destruction.
So instead of opening my mouth, I am relearning how to listen.  Too often I'm not really paying attention to the person talking as much as I am already forming a response in my mind.  But now, I'm trying to just listen.  And by listening, I hope to demonstrate to the other person that they have value; they are worth listening to.

I may not be able to help them, but it's really not about me.